


In Which the Tacco Twins Make Some Questionable Impulse Decisions

by catalyticGenesis



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, General Sleep-Deprived Impulsive Teenager-esque Decisions, Merle gives the twins some sleeping drugs but doesn't do enough to be considered a character, The Stolen Century, i guess, takes place right before they leave on the starblaster for the first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11827719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catalyticGenesis/pseuds/catalyticGenesis
Summary: The night before the press conference for the IPRE, the Tacco twins get up to some general twin shenanigans including but certainly not limited to hair dying, consuming unholy amounts of brownies, and making fun of their crewmates.





	In Which the Tacco Twins Make Some Questionable Impulse Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: slight depiction of violence, mostly ear-piercing - but not graphic. just a bit of a freak out on someones part, i barely describe it.

It’s one day before the IPRE’s press conference, two days until you leave for the Starblaster’s journey. You’re sitting in your temporary dorm room with your twin sister, three pans of brownies, and five colors of hair dye.

“Look, this is our last opportunity to do something really stupid while on this planet for, like, two whole months! I’m not saying it has to be exceptionally idiotic...” Lup’s grinning in a way that you know has the added ending-to-the-sentence of ‘but I totally am.’ She’s got her long hair down for once and a pair of scissors in her hand that she’s waving for an alarming emphasis.

Your hair is still braided and carefully laid over your left shoulder (Lup’s is usually over her right shoulder, unless, of course, you’re fucking with people), but aside from that, you two look identical right now. Makeup is off for the night, high heels discarded at the door, comfy t-shirts with rude phrases on them on, ready for sleep.

“I hear what you’re saying, totally, I also love fucking with the general public, but, if you make a stupid decision now we won’t have as much opportunity for pulling identical twin pranks on the rest of the crew.” You cast mage hand, knocking the scissors out of her hand and onto her bed. “Opportunity cost, Lulu, opportunity cost.”

She fixes you with a lazy grin before grabbing the scissors you’d just knocked out of her hand and chopping off what you’d guess to be over a foot of her golden blonde hair. “Opportunity cost this, bitches.”

“Lup, that made absolutely no sense and you full well know that,” you reply to her. Secretly, you feel a little betrayed. You’d always been the Tacco twins; no one could tell you apart if you didn’t want them to. Sure, you were still both more than capable of casting a glamour or disguise charm so you’d still be indistinguishable, but it wouldn’t be quite the same.

“Holy shit,” she muttered, running her hands through her new (choppy and disastrous) haircut. “It’s so light! You gotta try this, Taako.” She’s holding the scissors again, gesturing at your own braid.

“I...I don’t know,” you say, unable to keep the concern out of your voice. “I mean, I’ve got an image to uphold. We both know I’m the pretty twin around here.”

She reaches out, swatting the side of your head. “We’re both the pretty twin, doofus, we’re still identical! As much as I’d love to not share your genes, it’s inevitable and I’m stuck with you forever.”

You have to admit that while her hair is a fucking disaster right now, it looks damn good on her. “I mean...I guess I’ll try it. I’m bound to rock it, of course,” you say, pulling the ribbon off of the end of your braid. “Just let me fix yours first.”

Sighing, your sister shrugs. “I guess, though personally, I think the choppiness adds to my total punk rock aesthetic. However...” she trails off, seeming to think something through. You’re instantly worried, because any time Lup stops to think something through, it’s a bad sign. “Hang on a sec, I’ve gotta have a mirror to do this.”

She jumps up and rushes over to your shared bathroom. In the time it takes you to stroll over there, she’s got a fistful of hair on the left side of her head in one hand and again, scissors in the other. You watch her cut it all off, leaving her hair about an inch long - but only on that side. The other side was still nearly shoulder length, apart from the bangs she’d somehow given herself (you hadn’t seen that happen), which were just about at her chin at their longest.

You grab the scissors from her, aiming to help her out of this disaster. Again, it didn’t look bad, you just thought it could look a lot less like an impulsive midnight decision and a lot more like a comprehensible style choice if you evened it out a little. You hadn’t cut her hair since the two of you were kids, and those had been disastrous.

It takes you about an hour, but you manage to get her hair resembling something almost intentional. It’s not perfect by any degree, but you can get it fixed professionally later.

“Now, it’s my turn. How do you feel about bangs? You can reach your full emo potential if you just let me give you a fringe...”

You’re sitting on the stool this time, with Lup behind you. You’re still not one-hundred-percent behind letting her cut your hair, but hey, impulse haircuts aren’t permanent, thankfully.

She’s got about two-thirds of your hair pulled back in its usual braid, while the rest is left hanging in front of your face. You shudder as she brings the scissors out again, watching her decide where she’s going to cut your hair. In one quick snip, your hair is no longer waist-length there. It’s nearly up to your chin, flipping up slightly at the end. She gives it a few more snips, layering it a tiny bit. It looks surprisingly good. You’ve still got most of your hair long to keep braided, and your new bangs will make hair flips much easier (and lessen the possibility of hitting yourself in the face with your own hair, which has gotten frustrating).

“Thanks, Lup. It’s not bad!” you say, running your fingers through your hair.

“Now, for the fun part.” She casts mage hand again, this time reaching for the hair dye.

“Oh no.”

She rolls her eyes. “It’s super easy to dye hair, and I’m not even making you dye your hair. I know you’re plenty attached to the dumb blonde stereotype you carry around, anyway.”

“Hey, first of all, fuck you, and second of all, we both know blonde is the best color on us. Remember the last time we dyed our hair?”

Both of you shudder slightly. The year you dyed your hair bright red had been a horrible mistake, nearly as bad as when you’d decided to dye your hair black. Those colors hadn’t looked good on you.

“Yea, sure, red isn’t good, but I’m not dying all of it! Just the bangs, and hot pink, of course,” she says, holding up a bottle of the most obnoxious bright pink you’ve seen.

You grin, because you both know pink is objectively her color. “I mean, sounds good to me.”

The kit recommends you wear gloves and clothes you don’t care about. You scoff at this warning, but quickly realize your mistake when, despite all your efforts, your hands remain hot pink. After about an hour of leaving the dye in Lup’s hair, you help her wash it out, revealing her newly bright pink bangs.

Even as she’s admiring herself in the mirror, she’s got the bright spark in her eyes indicating that she’s not done with the impulsive decisions for tonight.

“I’m finally getting real earrings,” she declares, fidgeting with one of her clip-on earrings.

“No,” you respond. While you’re usually not one to say no to anything your sister suggests, it’s getting very late and you’re not up for the possibility of excessive bodily harm.

“Listen, I’ve got experience! I just pierced Magnus’s ears the other day,” she brags, tilting her chin up slightly. At this angle, with her ears flopped down, you can see the other side of her many earrings, all fake. In general, elves weren’t prone to getting their ears pierced and the two of you had kept up with that stereotype.

“Oh, yeah?” Even though you won’t show it, you’re a little relieved. If it truly hadn’t worked, Magnus would have punched Lup into next week (accidentally, but still). The fact that she’s right here, unharmed, indicated she couldn’t be too bad at it.

“He cried like a fucking baby. And he’s supposed to be an adult!”

“Sure, since we’re such adults.”

“Shut up, we’re twice as old as that Magnus kid! Definitely adults by human standards. Hell, in human years, we’re probably dead!” While she’s stating this, she’s grabbed an alarmingly large needle, a lemon, and a few real earrings.

You frown, suspiciously staring at the implements she’s gathered. “I don’t think that’s how human years work, but okay. Are you really piercing your own ears with that?”

She grins, reaching out to pat you on the shoulder. “Not yet, but I’m certainly piercing your ears with that.”

Less than five minutes later, you’re in the bathroom. Lup has helped pull your hair back and swabbed your ears with hydrogen peroxide, because apparently that’s what you were supposed to do.

She’s got the needle and earrings in one fist, which she promptly sets ablaze. “Sterilization,” she says, shrugging. The book in her lap is open to a page called ‘How to Safely Peirce Your Own Ears’, which, frankly, doesn’t help reassure you on her competency much. The fact that it’s an excerpt from a book called Fantasy WikiHow does even less to reassure you. “Ready to get started?”

You shrug, because honestly, if Magnus could handle it, of course you could. You’re not a baby. “Ready as ever!” you shout, ignoring the twinges of fear in your heart.

Hopping down from the counter, Lup walks over to stand in front of you. She hold the lemon behind your ear and the needle in her other hand, glancing between the two. “So, little bro, where do you want your first piercing to be?”

“We agreed I’m the older twin, doofus. And how about here?” you suggest, gesturing about to the middle of your ear. You figure that if it’s too close to the tip of your ear it’s likely to get caught on stuff and if it’s too close to your head no one will be able to see it.

“Sounds good. Steel yourself, I’ll count down from...how about five?” she asks, putting the lemon right behind where you gestured and holding the needle up to your ear.

“Five’s a fine number to count down from.” You feel like you’re shaking. You’re not, but the idea of having a hole through your ear horrifies you in a visceral way.

“Here goes! Five, four...”

There’s something in her voice that sounds off to you, almost like the countdown started on the wrong number. You realize that she wasn’t planning on going all the way to zero a split second before she gets to three, and you’d have flinched away if she didn’t have a mage hand holding your ear in place.

When she reaches three, you feel her plunge the needle directly through your ear.

White-hot pain flares through your body as you scream (even over your scream, you can hear Lup scoff and say, “Overdramatic much?”) and after you hear that, you promptly black out.

You wake up on your bed, your ear throbbing painfully, and Lup sitting next to you, looking slightly sheepish.

“So I didn’t read the full article and disclaimers, so I kind of fucked up. Apparently you’re supposed to numb the ear first.” She grins again, even more sheepish than before. “And also not use this tutorial on elves under any circumstances.”

“You _dipshit_!” you screech at her, altogether not serious, but still indignant. You think you’d have really appreciated it if she had bothered to read through the whole article before creating an intentional hole in your ear, which is really important to your wellbeing.

“Hey, at least I gave you the bronze one after you passed out! I wanted those for myself, but out of pity for my poor idiot brother, I gave you the color that looks best on us!”

After a few minutes of discussion, you decide that instead of repeating the process, you’d find some way to knock Lup out so she wasn’t awake when you pierced her ears. You briefly argued over the method of knocking her out. She was voting for you punching her in the face, while you argued for getting some drugs. Eventually, you won after she remembered bruising was a thing and that you were pathetically weak.

The two of you make your way down the hallway to Professor Merle’s room. You’re more stumbling than walking because again, your ears are used primarily for balance and orienting yourself. You now understand where the stereotype of elves not having pierced ears comes from: practicality.             

“Yo, Merle, can we get some, uhhhh, fuckin’ knockout drug-plants?” Lup yells though the door.

About a minute later, Merle finally opens the door. You laugh, elbowing Lup in the side. “Bet he couldn’t reach the doorknob with how short he is.”

“What did you two kids get into this time?” he asks, holding a small bottle full of poppy seeds.

Lup hesitates because of course she hadn’t thought this far ahead. You jump in, “Night terrors! We’re nervous about the press conference tomorrow and we don’t wanna fuckin flail our way off the bed in the middle of the night. Those bruises don’t look good; we’re supposed to look like real adults tomorrow.” That’s probably the most competent excuse you’ve come up with in the last year.

Merle frowns, his eyes darting between the two of you. You swear you see him glance at your ear, and he sighs. “I’m not really supposed to be an underage drug dealer-“

He’s cut off by Lup shouting, “We’re not underage! We’re real elf adults.”

“...Sure. But anyway, you’re gonna do something a hell of a lot stupider if I don’t give you the poppy seeds, so here you go.” He hands you the whole bottle, and as he makes contact, you can feel the throbbing in your ear lessen slightly. “By the way, a single seed’s gonna be enough to knock you out for twenty-some minutes, if you’re looking for the short term.” Winking, he slams the door shut.

“That worked,” you say, shrugging. You’re able to make it back to your room slightly more steadily now, even though your ear is still hurting like hell. “So you just want me to do the one piercing?” you ask, hoping that’s the case.

“Abso-fuckin’-lutely not! You gotta give me at least three on my left ear, and one on the other. Asymmetry is totally in fashion now, it’ll look so fuckin’ rad.” She tosses you the lemon (which you ignore the blood splatter on) and the needle, grinning. “And you’re totally giving me the burnished gold ones,” she says, swallowing a single poppy seed.

“They’re just copper, you fuckwit! Don’t be pretentious!” Even as you say this, you can see her drifting out of consciousness.

Grimacing, you hold the lemon up behind her ear and the needle to her ear. You one-hundred-percent don’t want to do this, but as her twin, you’re kind of honor-bound to. She did pierce your ear, even if you weren’t one-hundred-percent onboard with it.

When Lup’s back in the waking world, she’s got approximately four more piercings than she did when she’d last been awake. Her first action is screaming in pain, and you have to laugh.

“Fuck! I didn’t realize it was gonna hurt so damn bad! God damn it, Taako, why didn’t you tell me?” She’s brought both of her hands up to her ears at this point, as if somehow, that’s going to help.

“Well, I thought you’d realize after I fuckin’ up and stopped being conscious from the pain,” you say, lazily casting levitate on the disconcertingly abused and bloodied lemon.

“You’ve always been a wuss, so I didn’t put much credit behind your blacking out! But holy Christ-on-a-popsicle-stick, this is awful!”

Both of you spend the rest of the night bitching and whining about your aching ears. Come the next morning, Lup can barely walk and you’re still unsteady on your feet.

You make an excellent impression at the press conference, even if your captain doesn’t exactly agree, and mutters something about letting too many kids go on this mission.

 

~

 

A year later, when you’re all suddenly aboard the Starblaster again and inexplicably alive, you realize some of your hair is no longer in it’s braid because it’s too short, your left ear is throbbing, and Lup’s laughing at you as you shriek in horror.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never had my ears pierced /or/ had a sibling, so I'm just going off my instincts for how everything works.  
> Lup is absolutely the older twin, don't let Taako tell you otherwise.  
> The twins are also absolutely not adults by elf standards. Don't let them lie to you and tell you they are.  
> and of course, i love any comments and thoughts on my work!


End file.
